It all began one blustery morning approximately 12 days ago. The day to be exact was Wednesday, December 17th. I had woke up vvverry early for my dentist appointment, since apparently even getting to that office on time, is still considered late. I decided to be over ambitious and devote my morning to getting my teeth drilled and fitness. Hence, I dressed in my cutest work out gear since I would undoubtedly see at least 118 people from high school (as you do in Petaluma) from the mere half a block walk to the gym from my car. I opened the door to the great outdoors and saw that a beautiful coat of frost covered everything. I carefully walked down to my car and realized due to the thick ice covering the windshield that I would indeed be late for my appointment - quite possibly the worst offense at Brian K. Sibbald's office. I had to sit in my freezing car for what seemed like forever, shivering, while Gypsy Jo (my car) warmed up. Finally when i could see out of a three inch portion of my windshield I headed on my way. Five minutes and sliding through two stop signs later, I arrived at the dentist ready for pain and for a lecture about timeliness.
As I entered the office I slipped through the door (which according to Dr. Sibbald is not up to code because he has owned the building since the 70's and it doesn't have to be) and braced myself for the three judgy ladies behind the front desk. Much to my surprise, they said nothing. Come to find out, they in fact never wrote down my appt at all and I had now had to come back the next morning. I would lie and say I was really upset but I was successfully able to avoid the dentist for yet another day and I was actually quite happy. Got back in the car and realized that I had forgot my ipod so I was forced to return home before the gym, which of course was good because I had to re-do my hair and make up....jk...kind of. I pulled into the driveway, got out of my car and was ready to happily skip my way into the house when I slipped on a patch of black ice. Sorry, slipped doesn't do it justice, I fell, HARD on my right side. Purse EVERYWHERE! I sat there for a moment wondering if I was a) Dead or b) Paralyzed. Fortunately, I was neither but I realized I killed my arm. I heard people walking close to the house so I high tailed it (in order to avoid having to talk strangers) and crawled up the driveway. Once inside, Deedee and I then spent the next 20 minutes assessing whether my arm would require medical attention. Of course, since we are afraid of any physical ailment, we agreed that the emergency room was in order. After a 30 minute drive, a 10 minute dialogue about the noise in my mom's car, and 20 minutes of circling the Kaiser parking garage we arrived to the Kaiser Emergency Room. where I have visited in the past for arm breaks, dog bites and one particular painful incident in which I swallowed a whole peppermint and was choking to death.
Luckily they admitted me straight a way to a large room that was occupied with one other person behind a white curtain. Somewhere between the waiting for the nurse, waiting for the Dr. and waiting for the radiologist, the white privacy curtain swung open. Behind it sat a girl with platinum blond hair, at most 18 years old, sitting there in pajamas with smeared eye make up. She introduced herself as Diana. She was admitted the night prior for excessive drinking. She was very upfront that drinking was all she had done (sure). I wondered how drunk one has to be, to be dropped off by friends in your pajamas at 1 am. I was asking her a few questions (as I was incredibly curious) when I was interrupted by a nurse who had fabulous hair. She promptly put the white privacy curtain back up. Obviously a white piece of cloth does not block sound and Diana asked to be released. She was then denied by Fab Hair Nurse because her "levels" needed to be normalized. The nurse left and Deedee and I resumed conversation about the car noise while I waited for the xray results.
Within two minutes, we soon began to hear a whipping noise from the other side of the room. Our curiosity was not peeked for long, as Diana flung opened the privacy curtain yet again to reveal that the whipping noise was not a medical device but her arm restraints used to tie her down the night prior. We proceeded to watch Diana do a lyrical dance in her bed with the arm restraints when the Dr. finally returned and placed back, ONCE AGAIN, the privacy curtain. Luckily, I did not require a cast and was released by the Kaiser staff just in time as Diana was getting restless and decided to begin ripping off her acrylic nails and throwing them towards us. Nothing else really to report except for the fact that Tylenol with Codeine does absolutely nothing for pain. God bless you drunk Diana, wherever you are.
