What do you get when you combine a jumbo-tron, all you can eat sushi, a wedding chapel and a bus with a stripper pole??

The Yahoo Holiday Party 2008, that's what!

To start, I was lucky enough to attend this event last year as my friend Shawna's date. At that point in time, Shawna was fairly new to her job and I don't think either of us quite new what to expect. But after eating (2 mini burgers, 3 sushi rolls, 1 plate of fries, macaroni salad and shrimp), drinking, ice skating, getting fake tattoos, seeing a man walk on stilts and listening to the best Neil Diamond cover band ever, we both realized that the Yahoo Holiday Party, may be a small slice of heaven on earth. Side note, I don't believe Shawna had any sort of hard time making friends after that party, as she was known at work for many months after as the "the girl on the jumbo-tron." Having this experience fresh in my mind all year (mini burgers and all), I was dead, set and determined, despite Shawna's status of being "in a relationship," to go to this party again. Public service announcement, if you are employed at Yahoo, you really do need a date to this party, not as fun when you go stag or with a friend (so all of you people who went single....shame, shame).

Unfortunately, it would not be easy. I began my quest for a date to this party in October by subtly walking into Shawna's office which is basically 33 cubicles in a foot ball field and yelled to everyone in the room "who wants to take me to the Yahoo Holiday Party????" Crickets, crickets. Everyone looked down and continued to type. Definitely not the reaction I was intending. After a great deal of finagling up until the 11th hour, Courtney (Shawna's coworker and now our good friend, who was going to be forced to take me herself), found a willing (clearly unknowing participant) to take me to the party. Hallelujah...my vision boards really do work!!

The party was on Saturday evening and we arrived at the office for the bus to drive us to the San Mateo convention center at 8. We met upstairs in the cafeteria which btw, normally has free snacks in the vending machines. I was upset to find out due to cost cutting measures Yahoo will no longer be able to accommodate me, I mean Shawna, with free Mike and Ikes and Red Vines. Once there, I was introduced to my date, who was very nice. He did wear women's, Chanel sunglasses in doors, all night, but I won't focus on that fact. After a few minutes, we loaded the midnight princess or sunlight express or something to that effect - in short it was a bus with a stripper pole in the middle chauffeured by a driver that looked exactly like Samuel L. Jackson. Both attributes were well worth the $40 my date paid for my bus ticket.

Once arriving to the venue I was feeling really good, had a couple drinks on the bus (strapless bra around my waist at that point - they really are useless) . However, I almost sobered up entirely when my date introduced me as his fiance at the registration counter - my $3 Forever 21 ring on my left hand was not a smart move (bad idea # 1). We entered and I immediately was dizzy with the smells and sounds of the party. First stop drinks. Due to unruly behavior last year they were not allowed to pour shots, something I found incredibly disappointing and in all honesty, quite stupid because it forces the bartender to make big drinks with ice that contain straight alcohol for those who want shots. Of course I complied (bad idea #2). We then went straight for the all you can eat sushi table, which of course had the longest line. Courtney and I continued around and around the table loading more and more on our plates, until we realized that we were continually loading the same 4 sushi rolls, over and over. Next stop, attempt at gambling. I normally am not a huge fan of gambling unless it's playing Wheel of Fortune slots in the Vegas airport but when they give you fake money that enable you to win more fake money, that allows you to win things, I of course, was all in. Unfortunately, every table was well occupied with people so we were forced to do the next best thing, the wedding chapel.

Yes, they had a wedding chapel. While Courtney and I deliberated on having a same sex marriage (bad idea #3), we decided it would be better left for Mr. and Mrs. Shawna Ortxxx...to do it and god bless 'em, they went along with it. While they stood in line, Courtney and I got fake tattoos and I tried to convince another guy in line to get 6" by 6" Elvis tattoo on his forehead (bad idea #4). Almost had him when we were called to the stage to witness the wedding ceremony of Shawna and Dave. At this point the details are of course a bit fuzzy but we all participated in a real (okay not real), live wedding ceremony. They were even given wedding props. To date, I am worried that Dave could have gotten a staff infection from that bow tie and Shawna could have got lice from the veil, but that is neither here nor there. I of course was nervous but did a stellar job overall as Dave's best man.

Last visible memories, include once again hopping on stage to The Spazmatics (80's cover band), except this year we did not wait to be called up, instead we just hopped up on the side of the stage (when hearing the first three chords of "girls just want to have fun"). The night came to a wonderful end, when I almost got left by the bus, typical Julie. The bus ride home was interesting. My date fell over, knocking over five innocent bystanders and then punched a girl in the nose, someone puked in the bathroom and there wasn't a single person on the bus who didn't have the strong desire for the night to end and to get off that bus quickly. Who can blame us...that Yahoo Party is exhausting.

So in close, if you are in search for a good time Holiday 2009 and Yahoo is, in fact, still around, start the rounds early at bars in October and hunt for your date. I promise you, even if he wears "stunna shades," it will be well worth it.