Things You Do To Avoid The Dentist

It all began one blustery morning approximately 12 days ago. The day to be exact was Wednesday, December 17th. I had woke up vvverry early for my dentist appointment, since apparently even getting to that office on time, is still considered late. I decided to be over ambitious and devote my morning to getting my teeth drilled and fitness. Hence, I dressed in my cutest work out gear since I would undoubtedly see at least 118 people from high school (as you do in Petaluma) from the mere half a block walk to the gym from my car. I opened the door to the great outdoors and saw that a beautiful coat of frost covered everything. I carefully walked down to my car and realized due to the thick ice covering the windshield that I would indeed be late for my appointment - quite possibly the worst offense at Brian K. Sibbald's office. I had to sit in my freezing car for what seemed like forever, shivering, while Gypsy Jo (my car) warmed up. Finally when i could see out of a three inch portion of my windshield I headed on my way. Five minutes and sliding through two stop signs later, I arrived at the dentist ready for pain and for a lecture about timeliness.

As I entered the office I slipped through the door (which according to Dr. Sibbald is not up to code because he has owned the building since the 70's and it doesn't have to be) and braced myself for the three judgy ladies behind the front desk. Much to my surprise, they said nothing. Come to find out, they in fact never wrote down my appt at all and I had now had to come back the next morning. I would lie and say I was really upset but I was successfully able to avoid the dentist for yet another day and I was actually quite happy. Got back in the car and realized that I had forgot my ipod so I was forced to return home before the gym, which of course was good because I had to re-do my hair and make up....jk...kind of. I pulled into the driveway, got out of my car and was ready to happily skip my way into the house when I slipped on a patch of black ice. Sorry, slipped doesn't do it justice, I fell, HARD on my right side. Purse EVERYWHERE! I sat there for a moment wondering if I was a) Dead or b) Paralyzed. Fortunately, I was neither but I realized I killed my arm. I heard people walking close to the house so I high tailed it (in order to avoid having to talk strangers) and crawled up the driveway. Once inside, Deedee and I then spent the next 20 minutes assessing whether my arm would require medical attention. Of course, since we are afraid of any physical ailment, we agreed that the emergency room was in order. After a 30 minute drive, a 10 minute dialogue about the noise in my mom's car, and 20 minutes of circling the Kaiser parking garage we arrived to the Kaiser Emergency Room. where I have visited in the past for arm breaks, dog bites and one particular painful incident in which I swallowed a whole peppermint and was choking to death.

Luckily they admitted me straight a way to a large room that was occupied with one other person behind a white curtain. Somewhere between the waiting for the nurse, waiting for the Dr. and waiting for the radiologist, the white privacy curtain swung open. Behind it sat a girl with platinum blond hair, at most 18 years old, sitting there in pajamas with smeared eye make up. She introduced herself as Diana. She was admitted the night prior for excessive drinking. She was very upfront that drinking was all she had done (sure). I wondered how drunk one has to be, to be dropped off by friends in your pajamas at 1 am. I was asking her a few questions (as I was incredibly curious) when I was interrupted by a nurse who had fabulous hair. She promptly put the white privacy curtain back up. Obviously a white piece of cloth does not block sound and Diana asked to be released. She was then denied by Fab Hair Nurse because her "levels" needed to be normalized. The nurse left and Deedee and I resumed conversation about the car noise while I waited for the xray results.

Within two minutes, we soon began to hear a whipping noise from the other side of the room. Our curiosity was not peeked for long, as Diana flung opened the privacy curtain yet again to reveal that the whipping noise was not a medical device but her arm restraints used to tie her down the night prior. We proceeded to watch Diana do a lyrical dance in her bed with the arm restraints when the Dr. finally returned and placed back, ONCE AGAIN, the privacy curtain. Luckily, I did not require a cast and was released by the Kaiser staff just in time as Diana was getting restless and decided to begin ripping off her acrylic nails and throwing them towards us. Nothing else really to report except for the fact that Tylenol with Codeine does absolutely nothing for pain. God bless you drunk Diana, wherever you are.

Happy News!

Hey Guys! Will post soon about my last three days - I fell on ice on Wedneday and have been quasi out of commission. In happier news, the Duggar Family just had their 18th BABY!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/18th_baby

BTW- This is Deeds response to my Fun Dip Post

Deeds again. Linnie, I have one question. Have you ever eaten an apple? I probably put them in your school lunch box, which you probably never ate (no blame on that) along with room-temperature milk (I really am so sorry about that one). I just can't envision you walking in the kitchen, grabbing an apple, and biting into it as you walk away from the fridge.

The Day the Movie Never Ended

Deeds and I had a movie date on Sunday night. The only thing out that I really wanted to see was Twilight,again...but I get that no one wants to go with someone who has already seen a movie before. So we opted to see what is to be "Baz's timeless classic," Australia. It was not a classic, and everyone should spend "less time" in attempting to see this movie. IT WAS AWFUL....

These are the 3 things that made me want to walk out of Australia:

1) Nicole Kidman speaking in a baby voice the whole time.

2) The movie being narrated by a 7 year old kid.

3) A women a row ahead of us coughing incessantly.

As an FYI, because of the coughing I wasn't able to fully tear apart the movie to the best of my ability. The final straw that convinced Deeds to leave with me was when the seven year old character began to bust out in musical, mystical song. The second he hit the high note we were out of there. Luckily when we left, we had two options for movies to sneak in to see. The first Twilight, the second The Day the Earth Stood Still. Deeds chose the second. I pouted for a moment. We settled in for our second movie of the night and within 10 minutes we wanted to walk out.

These are the 3 things that made us want to walk out:

1) Keanu Reeves

2) Jennifer Connelly

3) Kathy Bates

In the words of my mother, "we could have made a better movie."

These are the 3 Things that made us ACTUALLY STAY for the movie:

1) Us laughing and finding sheer humor at every scene with Kathy Bates.

2) Waiting and hoping for the scene where the earth gets destroyed. It never came.

3) The absence of something better to do - with a strong sense of Miknis pride, in not wasting $9 dollars.

So if you have to go to the movies in the next couple days don't waste precious moments of your life on these two. See Twilight. Another shameless plug.

FUN DIP and COKE (the candy and the drink, not the drug)

Two of my favorite things in the entire world are Fun Dip candy and the beverage Coca-Cola. When faced with the question if I could have one thing to eat and drink for the rest of my life, I actually hesitate. Selecting coke as my life beverage is a no brainer but the Fun Dip.... seeing how it would do nothing for me nutritionally is a bit more of a dilemma. None the less, still a dilemma. In case you are wondering what my "life" food default is, it is the club sandwich. Probably not a surprise if you actually know me.

I have always loved soda, but I am not quite sure when my fascination for Coke actually began. My earliest, loving memories of Coke are from Chemistry my Junior year of high school. I remember the class was right before lunch but right after History. I faced extreme tiredness because of this, daily. I mean this class was awful.... aside from the acid burn I got on my pinkie finger allowing me to skip out on a lab one day, there was nothing even remotely memorable about that class. I could have lost my life early to boredom. In order to entertain myself, I would buy a one liter bottle of Coke and finish it in 50 minutes. They sold the Coke at school of course, right next to the Crystal Light machine, that only lasted a semester as our healthy drink option. The Crystal Light machine was later replaced by Aquafina, which was later replaced by Snapple. The only machine other than the Coke machine that had staying power was the M&M vending machine. Anyways, that 1 liter of coke was the highlight of 3rd period and since then my 11 o clock coke fix is always/has always been in the back of my mind. My friend Shawna jokes about the times when we would be running late to our History class (in college), with no time to stop for coffee. She claims the class would be totally silent at 9 am, except for the sound of me cracking open a can. Also, lets not forget, this addiction has followed me into my work life. I normally try to hold out until 11 but sometimes I get desperate. I once heard someone say in their cubicle (outside my office), "did somebody just open a can of soda??" I was embarrassed. It was me and it was 8 am.

My Fun Dip passion began very specifically. It was my fifth grade year and in order to supplement my income, myself and two of my friends broke into the candy business. We would go every night to a convenient store and purchase little candies for 25 cents and retail them for 50 on the playground. One of the candies were mini packets of Fun Dip. A single pouch of sugar, with a single sugar wand. These went like hot cakes, mostly because I ate them all before I could sell them. When I did have some left, kids were always quick to snatch it up. Of course, in the world of fifth grade, buying and eating fun dips was not enough and someone had to take it too far. This person is still in my life but I think he knows who he is. Well it was lunch time on a Friday and this person dumped the entire packet of Fun Dip onto the table. Once on the table, he decided to snort the entire packet up his nose. This snorting led to choking, which led to a bloody nose which led to me in the principals office and a ban on Fun Dip. Needless to say, our business gig was up. Suspiciously, weeks later one of our teachers began a "STORE" in his class room. He claimed to our parents it was for school supplies and healthy treats but the majority of the merchandise he carried was of the sugar variety. I never bought anything to prove a point.

What do you get when you combine a jumbo-tron, all you can eat sushi, a wedding chapel and a bus with a stripper pole??

The Yahoo Holiday Party 2008, that's what!

To start, I was lucky enough to attend this event last year as my friend Shawna's date. At that point in time, Shawna was fairly new to her job and I don't think either of us quite new what to expect. But after eating (2 mini burgers, 3 sushi rolls, 1 plate of fries, macaroni salad and shrimp), drinking, ice skating, getting fake tattoos, seeing a man walk on stilts and listening to the best Neil Diamond cover band ever, we both realized that the Yahoo Holiday Party, may be a small slice of heaven on earth. Side note, I don't believe Shawna had any sort of hard time making friends after that party, as she was known at work for many months after as the "the girl on the jumbo-tron." Having this experience fresh in my mind all year (mini burgers and all), I was dead, set and determined, despite Shawna's status of being "in a relationship," to go to this party again. Public service announcement, if you are employed at Yahoo, you really do need a date to this party, not as fun when you go stag or with a friend (so all of you people who went single....shame, shame).

Unfortunately, it would not be easy. I began my quest for a date to this party in October by subtly walking into Shawna's office which is basically 33 cubicles in a foot ball field and yelled to everyone in the room "who wants to take me to the Yahoo Holiday Party????" Crickets, crickets. Everyone looked down and continued to type. Definitely not the reaction I was intending. After a great deal of finagling up until the 11th hour, Courtney (Shawna's coworker and now our good friend, who was going to be forced to take me herself), found a willing (clearly unknowing participant) to take me to the party. Hallelujah...my vision boards really do work!!

The party was on Saturday evening and we arrived at the office for the bus to drive us to the San Mateo convention center at 8. We met upstairs in the cafeteria which btw, normally has free snacks in the vending machines. I was upset to find out due to cost cutting measures Yahoo will no longer be able to accommodate me, I mean Shawna, with free Mike and Ikes and Red Vines. Once there, I was introduced to my date, who was very nice. He did wear women's, Chanel sunglasses in doors, all night, but I won't focus on that fact. After a few minutes, we loaded the midnight princess or sunlight express or something to that effect - in short it was a bus with a stripper pole in the middle chauffeured by a driver that looked exactly like Samuel L. Jackson. Both attributes were well worth the $40 my date paid for my bus ticket.

Once arriving to the venue I was feeling really good, had a couple drinks on the bus (strapless bra around my waist at that point - they really are useless) . However, I almost sobered up entirely when my date introduced me as his fiance at the registration counter - my $3 Forever 21 ring on my left hand was not a smart move (bad idea # 1). We entered and I immediately was dizzy with the smells and sounds of the party. First stop drinks. Due to unruly behavior last year they were not allowed to pour shots, something I found incredibly disappointing and in all honesty, quite stupid because it forces the bartender to make big drinks with ice that contain straight alcohol for those who want shots. Of course I complied (bad idea #2). We then went straight for the all you can eat sushi table, which of course had the longest line. Courtney and I continued around and around the table loading more and more on our plates, until we realized that we were continually loading the same 4 sushi rolls, over and over. Next stop, attempt at gambling. I normally am not a huge fan of gambling unless it's playing Wheel of Fortune slots in the Vegas airport but when they give you fake money that enable you to win more fake money, that allows you to win things, I of course, was all in. Unfortunately, every table was well occupied with people so we were forced to do the next best thing, the wedding chapel.

Yes, they had a wedding chapel. While Courtney and I deliberated on having a same sex marriage (bad idea #3), we decided it would be better left for Mr. and Mrs. Shawna Ortxxx...to do it and god bless 'em, they went along with it. While they stood in line, Courtney and I got fake tattoos and I tried to convince another guy in line to get 6" by 6" Elvis tattoo on his forehead (bad idea #4). Almost had him when we were called to the stage to witness the wedding ceremony of Shawna and Dave. At this point the details are of course a bit fuzzy but we all participated in a real (okay not real), live wedding ceremony. They were even given wedding props. To date, I am worried that Dave could have gotten a staff infection from that bow tie and Shawna could have got lice from the veil, but that is neither here nor there. I of course was nervous but did a stellar job overall as Dave's best man.

Last visible memories, include once again hopping on stage to The Spazmatics (80's cover band), except this year we did not wait to be called up, instead we just hopped up on the side of the stage (when hearing the first three chords of "girls just want to have fun"). The night came to a wonderful end, when I almost got left by the bus, typical Julie. The bus ride home was interesting. My date fell over, knocking over five innocent bystanders and then punched a girl in the nose, someone puked in the bathroom and there wasn't a single person on the bus who didn't have the strong desire for the night to end and to get off that bus quickly. Who can blame us...that Yahoo Party is exhausting.

So in close, if you are in search for a good time Holiday 2009 and Yahoo is, in fact, still around, start the rounds early at bars in October and hunt for your date. I promise you, even if he wears "stunna shades," it will be well worth it.

Should you really eat at a restaurant called the Crab Pot....Three votes yes!

This will undoubtedly be the last installment of anything to do with Washington State, ever. Over the course of 10 days, The Drive Through Starbucks was really the only experience I felt even remotely compelled to write about. That was, until my final night of vacation and my dining experience in Bellevue. My cousin's and I sat around on Monday evening contemplating for at least a half hour about where to go for dinner on my final night. "We" (i.e. they wanted it and I was too busy facebooking to disagree) had all agreed on seafood. Most of you who know me, will be shocked as I don't particularly like seafood. Including but not limited to, most kinds of cooked fish, lobster, crab, oyster, clams, mussels. With my moderate liking for shrimp and tuna, I was sure that I would be able to find something edible on the menu. Hey, I am who I am.

Once decided on seafood I tuned out the whole "where to go" conversation as I don't need to weigh in on anything about fish and I don't live there, labeling me useless. However, as I was busy facebook stalking somebody, I heard Jacob mention lets go to "crab, blah, blah." My ears perked up only because there was excitement in his voice. Excitement that I hadn't heard since our Yahtzee game four days earlier. He explained about this seafood "restaurant" in Bellevue that brought buckets of food to the table and you got to wear bibs. My interest was peaked, as I needed a new profile pic for Facebook and decided me wearing a bib, would be perfect. Also, any place that employs buckets as a way of serving food, I needed to see. As we drove from Kirkland to Bellevue, I envisioned loud crowds, lots of beer and lots of bibs. And of course, us, undoubtedly being the best looking people in the place.

However, as we pulled into into the parking lot I realized that it was not so much a "restaurant" as a "theme park." The Crab POT, yes POT, is located on the water in Bellevue. Instead, of taking the classy angle of landscaping the front with soft lighting and beautiful flowers, they actually built a moat, with a wooden draw bridge. It appears that in the off season, they may use this location to throw recreational pirate shows for the patrons...I don't know, I am just guessing? The fact that the Crab Pot was in fact a theme park was solidified when I realized they had a gift shop. Now not being one to ever turn down an opportunity to buy promotional gear of any kind, I was quickly disappointed as I realized that the Crab Pot had one slogan and one slogan alone on all of their gear. A slogan I might add that I would never, could never wear. Shirts, sweatshirts, hats, aprons, mugs - in every size, in every color, prominently displaying the words "Got Crabs."

After the shirts and hearing "Disco Duck" upon our entrance I began to get nervous. The beads of sweat came, when we were seated and I realized we were three of seven people visible. The other four, included the host/Waiter, an overweight couple and another man sweeping the floor. Cue the beads of sweat. We ordered beers and began deliberating over the menu and whether to order The Westport or the Pacific Clambake, under section "Seafood for Two or More." I immediately voted for the Pacific Clambake as it included salmon, something I could definitely eat. After ordering, we chatted, i.e. my cousins watched the game and I facebooked on my phone. I realized also at this point, the couple was gone and the man who was sweeping had now disappeared. Confirming my worst feat that he was, in fact, the janitor and the cook. Our host/Waiter brought two buckets, yes silver buckets to the table. He laid down a line of butcher paper on the table gave us bibs and MALLETS - no plates, no utensils, no napkins. He then proceeded to pour the contents of the buckets on the table. Contents that included:

Clams, Oysters, Mussels, Snow Crab, Dungeness Crab,Shrimp, Halibut, Salmon, potatoes, corn on the cob and sausage.

I looked around for pennies, shells, a message in a bottle and a boot but didn't see any, so I began to pick away at the "pile" (pictured above). I have to say, despite the janitor/cook, the "Got Crabs" t-shirt, the lack of patrons, it was actually pretty good. I recommend this place however not for the descent cuisine but for the fact that every person needs to witness/experience this eighth wonder of the world, with your own eyes. After we finished dinner and paid, I stalled quite a bit, hoping to see some actors getting ready for their nightly Pirate performance....but they didn't show. We drove home and I realized I actually smelled of mussels. Hence, we called it a night.

http://www.pier57seattle.com/restaurants.html

I have really bad news.....

I have really bad news everybody. Please brace yourself, make sure you are sitting down, have a paper bag and a glass of water close (you will need fluids to replenish your tears). I am sad and a bit shocked to report, that I have a cavity. Okay, that was a lie, I have 2. 2 cavities are occupying space in Boca de Julia. Unfortunately, ever more proof that I am human. I still don't understand how it could happen to me though. So what that I drink full strength soda everyday, have to eat hot tomales at the movie theater, buy Fun Dip/Lik-a-Stik in bulk and eat it before bed. Does it really matter that I only floss twice a week and go to the dentist once a year?? Okay I lied again... twice.

So while I really wanted to devote this blog to all things great, I am devoting this post to something great for you....GOING TO THE DENTIST. If you are good and timely with your dentist appointments, please stop reading because this doesn't apply to you. And in all honesty, I don't like you now. If you haven't gone in a while (over six months to six years (post six years I can't help you)), I want you to pause, take a deep breath, make an appointment and ACTUALLY GO. Just like a band-aid, just do it. My appointment, in case you are wondering was rather pleasant. I had my lie in my head ready as to why I hadn't gone in a year (plus four months), it was a mix of family emergencies, personal tragedies and " a lot of life changes." Needless to say, the dental hygienist didn't ask or didn't care. I was however, trying to keep her really busy during my cleaning by asking every possible question about her life - two kids, grew up in Point Reyes, wants to retire in San Diego, had to clean mental patients teeth for her dental school on-site training.

Well, they developed the X-Ray's today and left me a "disappointed in you" message...or at least that's how I took the "Hi Julie, you have two cavities please make an appointment to come back, thanks" voicemail. So, one more fun and exciting day to look forward to next week - getting my teeth drilled into. Hey, at least I will get a new toothbrush and get to catch up on my "Highlights" right? Hope some kid didn't already get to it and circle all the hidden shoes.

If you need a wonderful dentist (who didn't guilt me I swear) in Sonoma County go to Brian K. Sibbald DDS, he has been filling cavities and putting crowns on my families teeth for generations. If you get lost on El Rose Drive, just look for the office building that looks like a high school portable.

707) 762-5363

Did Somebody Say Yahtzee?

I am actually a little sad that I didn't devote my first blog to the best game ever....ever invented....ever. It involves five dice, a red plastic cup, a pad of paper and mad skill (yes, skill - not luck as many people think). Oh, and those little yellow chips are included that no one ever uses.

To start, I have loved Yahtzee my whole life. I remember playing against myself (only child) at the ripe age of two on my toddler table, while I multi-tasked - eating my cereal and watching 3-2-1 Contact (might mention the table was at most six inches away from the TV - hence my visual impairments today). My love for the game was re-invigorated this weekend on Thanksgiving.

Let me briefly explain to you how our family yahtzee game went down . We allowed seven people to play. As an FYI, you normally don't want to have more than four players or the game will go too slow. However, six of the seven of us were pretty professional and it only took two minutes MAX for us to lap the table. Number seven was Kristin, an amateur who took it seriously and relied heavily on the playing skills of those around her. She did the right thing and I admire her for that, as it didn't take her an hour and a half to roll and count the dice, like some other rookies I know. Everyone in the game concentrated heavily on the top bonus for 35 points and getting the best four of a kind possible (4 - sixes and a five). My cousin Jared played "aggressively" or so he calls it - i.e. he crossed out the entire bottom section to pave every possible opportunity for a Yahtzee, which he didn't get. I of course, had a great game that went entirely unrecognized by everyone, since not a single one of us were remotely supportive. By the time the dice hit the table, the next person was sweating for their turn and belittling someone across the table for not letting the small straight "just happen naturally." The outcome was a familiar one, Kristin the Yahtzee rookie, won. We all succeeded in one thing though, being true poor sports (which is the only real skill you need in that game to be successful), Kristin didn't play a single game after that.

So, if you are looking for the best game ever, pick up a Yahtzee. You know its great when they sell the game everywhere from gas stations to Safeway to Target. To clear up a frequently asked question, no, I haven't seen a 400 point game in my life. I have heard from my cousin that they do in fact exist but I kind of feel that if I haven't got one yet, it probably can't happen for anyone.

http://www.hasbro.com/shop/details.cfm?guid=8F0B984E-6D40-1014-8BF0-9EFBF894F9D4&product_id=9618&src=endeca